Okay, you are Thomas Martel from Bonnie Brae, Colorado, you've waited absolutely ages to buy the new Apple iPhone. You can imagine Thomas's dismay when he found his big fat American thumbs were too large to use the phone.
The solutions (Reports the North Denver News) : A revolutionary new operation called "Thumb Whittling", a surgical operation to shave bone off Tom's Thumb to help him send his equally chubby pals a text message or order another Pizza.
North Denver News have later admitted that the story was a hoax (Editor's Note), stating that the piece was homor [sic], and not to be taken literally.
My solution, lets all go back to the house brick style of phone, it would go well with my camel hair coat.
Museum Of Hoaxes